March 17, 2026
Today, I’m going home. And I am not okay.
Leaving the hospital without my baby was never part of the plan. I feel everything all at once—terrified, heartbroken, overwhelmed, exhausted…
…but more than anything—guilty.
It feels like I’m walking away from my own heartbeat.
Eloira had her first Trophic feeding today.
The nurses encouraged me to keep pumping so she can have what she needs, even if it’s just a little at a time. Right now, she can only take tiny amounts—but one day, she’ll need more.
Day one: nothing.
Day two: 2 ml.
Day three: 3 ml.
And somehow… that felt like a victory. I’m proud of myself.
It may not seem like much, but to me, it’s everything. It’s proof that my body is still showing up for her—even when I feel like I’m falling apart.
#grateful #progress #liquidgold #milkmachine
Reflection
Motherhood doesn’t always begin with holding your baby.
Sometimes, it begins with letting go…
Walking out of a hospital room without them…
And still choosing to show up every single day. Strength isn’t always loud.
Sometimes, it looks like 2 ml of milk, and the decision to try again tomorrow.
The Eloira Effect 
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